What Would Optimus Do? Advice from the Transformers

Tagged: Women Drivers RSS

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  Prime 10:36 pm on February 7, 2007 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment
  Tags: Divorce (5), Sharkticons, Sparkplug (3), Women Drivers   

  You Ruin Everything 

  DEAR OPTIMUS: Yesterday, while I was moving my husband’s treasured antique automobile, I got into a fender-bender. He is so upset he won’t talk to me. He says he wants a divorce and I should move out of the house. When I asked him why, he said, “You ruin everything. You make my life miserable, and I don’t enjoy anything because of you.”
  He never said anything like this before, and I am devastated. When I try to apologize, he says, “I don’t want to talk about it, just get out.” Help me, please. — DEVASTATED IN LITTLE ROCK

  BEGIN TRANSMISSION: DESTINATION (DEVASTED IN LITTLE ROCK)

  You damaged a car!? For all you know, it could’ve been a distant uncle of mine. I’m not the vengeful type, but consider yourself lucky he didn’t feed you to Sharkticons. If you ever want him to forgive you, I would advise you to invest in the two ch’s – champagne and chapstick, and start apologizing, if you know what I mean.

  Actually, I have no idea what I mean either…Sparkplug told me to write that.

  END TRANSMISSION

   

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  Prime 11:08 pm on January 23, 2007 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment
  Tags: Bumblebee (4), Meddling Mother-In-Laws (2), Women Drivers   

  Tots Gone Wild 

  DEAR OPTIMUS: My son and daughter-in-law have a golf cart they allow their 6-year-old daughter, “Madison,” to drive. I feel that she is too little to control the vehicle. She can barely see above the steering wheel. there is a warning on the dashboard stating that a rollover could cause severe injury or death.

  When I speak up, I am met with rolled eyes and a curt reminder to mind my own business. Even my husband refuses to listen. I feel isolated in this situation. My husband offered no support when I expressed my concern and told me to stay out of it. I just want to avoid a potential tragedy without being “the meddling mother-in-law.” Am I overreacting? — SERIOUSLY WORRIED IN FLORIDA

  BEGIN TRANSMISSION: DESTINATION (IGNORED IN CANADA)

  I hate to say it, but your family is right. You are making a cyber-mountain out of a cyber-molehill. If this human child injures itself with this “golf cart” and breaks an arm or leg, you can buy it a replacement limb. That’s what we did when Rawhide tore off Bumblebee’s leg while they were high on Energon.

  END TRANSMISSION