Tagged: Toasters RSS

  • Prime 9:45 pm on February 12, 2007 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment
    Tags: , Insecticons, , , , Toasters,   

    The Marriage Reloaded 

    DEAR OPTIMUS: My fiance, “Thornton,” and I are being married in two months. This is a second (and final) marriage for both of us. We dated for several years and went to counseling so that this marriage would last and our love would stay strong. We both have children from our first marriages who are excited about the wedding. Thornton and I are in disagreement, however, about whether or not to invite our ex-spouses — although we remain friendly with them. Please tell me the appropriate thing to do. — ABOUT TO BE WED IN HOUSTON

    BEGIN TRANSMISSION: DESTINATION (ABOUT TO BE WED)

    I will never understand you humans – you are more confusing than Transformers continuity. Generation 1, Generation 2, Optimus Primal, Japanese Headmasters, the Spike/Sparkplug controversy? How about this? I don’t care. Invite your ex-spouses, your ex-lovers, that toaster you slept with because you couldn’t stand to be alone for one more minute. I could care less. I’m going to dent my crotch against a Mack truck.

    END TRANSMISSION

    [Update: I apologize for the last post. My circuits were scrambled after a tiff with the Insecticons. They have been realigned]

     
  • Prime 2:32 pm on December 31, 2006 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment
    Tags: , Incompatible Religions, , , Toasters,   

    Love is Electrical 

    DEAR OPTIMUS:

    I am engaged to be married. The problem is that “Todd” and I come from different religions. I’m a Catholic and he is a Baptist. Todd refuses to even consider being married in a Catholic church and, because he won’t, I won’t get married in his. I really want a church wedding, and my mother doesn’t want me to be married in any other church.

    So, what do I do to get my perfect wedding?

    - Confused in Kentucky

    BEGIN TRANSMISSION: DESTINATION (CONFUSED IN KENTUCKY)

    I had a similar conflict when Megatron reprogrammed our rechargers causing us to become evil. Luckily, Jazz and Bumblebee do not recharge, so that they were able to return us to our original settings in time to stop Megatron from stealing a solar-powered satellite. “Todd”, has most likely had his settings tampered with. Have a technically-oriented human friend create an Attitude Exchanger, which will cause him to revert back to the “Todd” you fell in love with. If an Attitude Exchanger is unavailable, drop a toaster into his bath — this should reverse his polarity.

    END TRANSMISSION

     
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