What Would Optimus Do? Advice from the Transformers

Tagged: Robot Lovemaking RSS

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  Prime 9:37 pm on March 6, 2007 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment
  Tags: Bumblebee (4), Controlling the Weather, Jazz (4), Robot Lovemaking, Weddings (6)   

  More Robot Wedding Advice 

  DEAR OPTIMUS: I live with a close friend. Recently a person who knows us both sent out invitations to his wedding. I received one; my housemate did not. Further, there is no “and guest” indicated on my invitation. I feel very uncomfortable about it — and more than a little miffed. What do you think? — UNCOMFORTABLE IN NEW YORK

  BEGIN TRANSMISSION: DESTINATION (UNCOMFORTABLE IN NEW YORK)

  I am a little surprised that you care. From my statistical research into weddings, the odds of your friends becoming divorced are about the same as Megatron attempting to create a machine that can control the weather, which is to say, quite a common occurrence. Marriages are faulty. The only exception to this claim to this is Jazz and Bumblebee. They will stay married forever. Because they are robots.

  END TRANSMISSION

   

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  Prime 9:45 pm on February 12, 2007 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment
  Tags: Divorce (5), Insecticons, Robot Lovemaking, Sparkplug (3), Spike (4), Toasters (2), Weddings (6)   

  The Marriage Reloaded 

  DEAR OPTIMUS: My fiance, “Thornton,” and I are being married in two months. This is a second (and final) marriage for both of us. We dated for several years and went to counseling so that this marriage would last and our love would stay strong. We both have children from our first marriages who are excited about the wedding. Thornton and I are in disagreement, however, about whether or not to invite our ex-spouses — although we remain friendly with them. Please tell me the appropriate thing to do. — ABOUT TO BE WED IN HOUSTON

  BEGIN TRANSMISSION: DESTINATION (ABOUT TO BE WED)

  I will never understand you humans – you are more confusing than Transformers continuity. Generation 1, Generation 2, Optimus Primal, Japanese Headmasters, the Spike/Sparkplug controversy? How about this? I don’t care. Invite your ex-spouses, your ex-lovers, that toaster you slept with because you couldn’t stand to be alone for one more minute. I could care less. I’m going to dent my crotch against a Mack truck.

  END TRANSMISSION

  [Update: I apologize for the last post. My circuits were scrambled after a tiff with the Insecticons. They have been realigned]