DEAR ABBY OPTIMUS: My mother is 66 and has had two major epileptic seizures. She also has “minor” seizures that last only 30 to 60 seconds. I have seen them. Her doctor has told her not to drive and that it’s against the law in our state for her to drive until she has been seizure-free for six months. The problem is, Mom and her husband believe she can drive safely. She even bought a new car so she can get “better gas mileage.” I lost a brother in a car accident. I don’t want to lose my mother in one, too. I’m also afraid for the safety of pedestrians and other drivers in her path. What can I do or say to get Mom to follow the doctor’s orders?– WORRIED IN THE WEST

BEGIN TRANSMISSION: DESTINATION (WORRIED IN THE WEST)

We had a similar problem with human Chip Chase, a friend of Spike’s. He was constantly losing control of his wheelchair and running into all sorts of things – piles of Energon, Jazz’s fender, Sparkplug’s collection of “Daddy magazines.” Eventually, we had Ratchet scan his brain and found out it had accidentally been turned into antimatter while he was working on one of his experiments. Boy were our faces red when we found that out!

Has your mother had any run-ins with black holes recently? I am sure you do not have access to the same technology we do, but you can achieve the same results with a quick power drill trepanation.
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See Megatron’s Answer
See Dear Abby’s Answer

DEAR OPTIMUS: When my father and I are in his car and he’s taking me somewhere, he tries to scare me by touching my knee and saying, “BOO!” I have told him I don’t like it and asked him not to do it anymore, but he keeps on doing it. He thinks it’s funny, but I don’t. Am I overreacting? — UNCOMFORTABLE IN MONMOUTH, ILL.

BEGIN TRANSMISSION: DESTINATION (UNCOMFORTABLE IN MONMOUTH)

Do you think I wasn’t scared when Megatron blasted me in the chest? Do you think I wasn’t scared when I caught Ironhide huffing Energon while watching Saved by The Bell? Do you think I wasn’t scared when Jazz and Bumblebee announced that they were getting married?

Well, I wasn’t scared. Because I never had that chip installed.

So just be like me.

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