What Would Optimus Do? Advice from the Transformers

Tagged: Gay Marriage RSS

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  Prime 6:31 pm on March 27, 2007 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment
  Tags: Armageddon, Ben Affleck, Gay Marriage, Michael Bay, Weddings (6)   

  Restroom Love 

  DEAR OPTIMUS: I am in a very awkward situation. I was married last week and am very happy with my new husband, “Ralph.” However, when people ask, “Where did you two meet?” that’s when the glamour shatters. Ralph and I met in a public restroom in a very rundown area that we happened to be vacationing in. Should I just tell them the town? — NEWLYWED IN THE BATHROOM

  BEGIN TRANSMISSION: DESTINATION (NEWLYWED IN THE BATHROOM)

  I have a situation that is 23.747% similar. When I first met Michael Bay, he mentioned that he created Armageddon. I thought he meant the Interstellar Armageddon of Planet BX12 which destroyed the entire known population of sentient bananas in the universe. I brought him 20,000 light years to stand before an intergalactic tribune before he convinced me that he only created Armageddon…the Movie. Talk about awkward.

  I really do miss those fun loving bananas.

  END TRANSMISSION

  Click here to See Megatron’s Answer

   

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  Prime 9:47 pm on February 20, 2007 Permalink | Log in to leave a Comment
  Tags: Bumblebee (4), Gay Marriage, Ironhide (2), Jazz (4), Pedophilia, Saved By The Bell, Weddings (6)   

  Creepy Knee Touching Dads 

  DEAR OPTIMUS: When my father and I are in his car and he’s taking me somewhere, he tries to scare me by touching my knee and saying, “BOO!” I have told him I don’t like it and asked him not to do it anymore, but he keeps on doing it. He thinks it’s funny, but I don’t. Am I overreacting? — UNCOMFORTABLE IN MONMOUTH, ILL.

  
  BEGIN TRANSMISSION: DESTINATION (UNCOMFORTABLE IN MONMOUTH)

  Do you think I wasn’t scared when Megatron blasted me in the chest? Do you think I wasn’t scared when I caught Ironhide huffing Energon while watching Saved by The Bell? Do you think I wasn’t scared when Jazz and Bumblebee announced that they were getting married?

  Well, I wasn’t scared. Because I never had that chip installed.

  So just be like me.

  END TRANSMISSION