Unwelcome Reception
DEAR OPTIMUS: My husband and I have attended several weddings lately where we have waited up to an hour and a half for the bride and groom to arrive at their own reception. Can you enlighten me because, frankly, I am … ONE CONFUSED GUEST, LEWIS CENTER, OHIO
BEGIN TRANSMISSION: (ONE CONFUSED GUEST, LEWIS CENTER, OHIO)
I am not surprised you are confused about wedding etiquette, because frankly, you are a moron. Why are you putting so much stock into a busted institution when there are so many problems in the world? How about you stop thinking about your stupid little taffeta dress, your matching shoes, and whatever else you do to try to cover up the lumpy nodule you call a body (in my opinion, the human pictured is the only one with any fashion sense), and worry about the fact you’re watching two human beings throw their lives away on an institution that has never made sense? How about that? I need to go shoot something.
[A NOTE FROM OPTIMUS: Wow, sorry about that above post. We recently found out Megatron sent Laserbeak to scramble my neural circuits in an attempt to sabotage my column. I am leaving the post as I originally wrote it to show Megatron he cannot hope to disrupt me. Also, I agree with the overall sentiment, if not the wording.]
END TRANSMISSION